There Are No Giant Crabs In This Novel, by Jason Pargin (REVIEW) — Handlers of Weird Phenomena Face Mayhem in the Multiverse (Plus Huge Crabs)

A trio of slightly [okay, wildly] off-kilter, if still somewhat-regular(ish) friends... whose sole (current) mission in life seems to involve disseminating misinformation about unexplained phenomena... occurring [for reasons not entirely known] in some [unnamed] small Midwestern town. 

But this time? 

It’s only the fate of the world [worlds! They are legion!] up for grabs.

What could go wrong?!

Well, pretty much everything... in the fifth entry of Jason Pargin’s bonkers horror/sci-fi/urban fantasy mashup-of-a-series about John (and friends), There Are No Giant Crabs in This Novel.

 

It’s an otherwise perfectly normal—well, as “normal” as that word can mean, given the folks involved—morning, when an uninvited stranger suddenly appears in Dave and (still-asleep girlfriend) Amy’s apartment.

A strange sound, a notable change in the atmosphere, then just like that, Dave is facing a living Adonis... who seems to expect things from Dave that he isn’t remotely prepared to deliver.

Like, being expected to help with some epic-scale multiverse saving..?

(Honestly, all  Dave knows is it’s way too early in the morning—without nearly enough caffeine—to encounter such a visitor.)

But, as things tend to happen—particularly in their [unnamed] small Midwestern town—this is only the verybeginning of the current batch of weirdness.

Because, before anyone can even blink the sleep from their eyes, another inexplicable bit of strange happens... this time, to shady lawnmower-repair-shop owner Jumbo.

[Side note: If you can’t handle the seedier sides of life, this may be a good time to warn you off this book. I mean... just as a public-service type thing. Otherwise, by all means, carry on...]

Dave, girlfriend Amy, and their friend (and partner-in-mayhem) John actually get called out to Jumbo’s  shop—due to their own “expertise” [honestly, that seems questionable, but needs must, and all] in bizarre $h!t—by none other than the police.

(Clearly, everything will be resolved in an instant, right? 🤣) 

Obviously, over the course of the next 24 hours (maybe less??), things quickly plummet from bad to worse to absolute-worst-frickin-scenario-from-a-nightmare-imaginable.

It seems, in fact, that the Terrific Trio (Terrible Trio? Who knows, honestly??) may at last have met its match... a Situation of Weird which not even they can figure out.

But... that wouldn’t be much of a story, would it..?

And so, what follows is a Certifiably CrazyPants [yes, a term I personally got from living with my now-elderly, but always-crazypants fluffy feline] plan... to save themselves... the world... and maybe even, a few other worlds, while they’re at it.

 

So, first off, this is actually (somehow, don’t even ask, because I’m frankly shocked, myself) the first Jason Pargin book I’ve read(!).

Spoiler: I’m now HOOKED.

But back to There Are No Giant Crabs in This Novel... whoa, what a ride!

This one delivered every madcap, bonkers, laugh-maniacally-out-loud twist and turn I could’ve hoped for.

But... it also had so many moments that I bookmarked, to revisit later. 

Observations about the human condition. About how we view our fellow humans... and how outsiders (from other worlds) might, in turn, view all of us. 

There are emotional beats—actual pangs—where I caught my breath, racing to read a passage again, to fully breathe in the depth of it.

[So, not just yuks and eyerolls, if that’s what you might’ve been concerned about. Not remotely... although there are plenty of those, too.]

I raced through this one as fast as life would allow—by turns laughing, breathless, cringing, and just absorbing everything on this straight-out-of-a-dream ride—until reaching the very last page.

And wanting more. 

More, more, more...

If you’ve read the previous entries in this series (or other Jason Pargin works), then you already know full well the fun you’re stepping into. (You also understand the obsession in NEEDING to see how everything ends up!)

And if you’re on the fence about stepping into an established series you haven’t read, then just follow my lead. Dive right in. 

If it sounds like your cuppa tea —as it instantly did to me, the second I read the back cover blurb—then it almost certainly is.

There Are No Giant Crabs in This Novel is a thrill ride just made for spooky October (and other chilly-weather months). 

But honestly, I’ll be reading this author any month or season of the year, from now on.

~GlamKitty