Bloodthirsty Elves and Kilt-Wearing Dukes… ah, Christmas is here on Netflix! (REVIEWS, A Castle for Christmas, and Elves)

Not sure if the increase in holiday fare on all of the streamers is due more to the ongoing pandemic or it’s just a numbers game (more subscribers for whatever reason, means more dollars, means more content), but one thing is clear: all of ‘em (the streamers, that is) are firing on all cylinders this holiday season, with a veritable onslaught of seasonal shows. And me? I’m So. Here. For. It. (Them. Whatevz.)

With soooo many streaming services to choose from, though, it’s sort of mind-boggling. But, suck it up, I must, and today, I’m bringing a wildly-different pair from Netflix for your consideration.

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A Castle for Christmas

Honestly, I’m not at all the target audience for a traditional holiday romance thing. Call me jaded, selective (or what you will), but I tend to really struggle with all those blatantly-obvious Xmas things… which most of what airs at this time of year, is.

Still, show me pleasant previews with two legit ‘80s stars—Brooke Shields and Cary Elwes(!)—in a festive Scotland yarn, and I’m in. 

And you know what? I wasn’t disappointed, not one whit.

First, how did Shields and Elwes never star together, before 2021? These two (now, mid-life adults) have genuine chemistry, and play really well off each other! 

The story is—unsurprisingly—full of sooooo many tropes that have already been done to death. [Remember, I did say that I’m not the target audience, here.] The relatable (but beautiful, because, Brooke Shields) romance novelist, who’s suddenly hit a weak moment, or had writer’s block, or… um, anyway, needs to hie off to a foreign country (to which she actually has ties) to… get her mojo back? (Okay, Romancing the Stone will never be topped on this one, but… I digress.) Check.

The initially-mistaken-for-a-rube (hick, jerk, soulless cretin… insert any less-than-awesome love interest descriptor, here, and you’ve got it) yet somehow, also-captivating (and handsome… he has to be a hottie!) guy, which Everyone Knows Will Turn Out to be Prince Charming(ish)? Yeah, check. (Duh. It’s Westley from The Princess Bride, for cryin’ out loud!)

Like I said before, though, the magic here—as IRL!—is when actual chemistry exists, and these two portray that well, as Sophie and Myles, with hesitant glance-backs, awkward pauses, bumbling interludes, and finally, increasingly-meaningful looks.

And, TGFSC!! (That’s Thank God for Supporting Cast, which really oughta be a thing, y’know?!) A Castle for Christmas boasts a wonderful array of other actors, who do fine jobs aiding the romantic story along. Thomas (Lee Ross), as the duke’s (Myles’) right-hand man, provides some gentle and warm common sense (and comic relief). Maisie, Helen, Rhona, and Angus (Andi Osho, Tina Gray, Eilidh Loan, and Stephen Oswald) are all fantastic as the most-charming (friendly! supportive!) knitting circle one could ever hope to find. And Sophie’s editor, Claire (Desiree Burch) has some hilarious moments in her efforts to spur on—then possibly even re-brand—her hit-making author (who has recently hit a snag, and may be in dire need of just such re-branding).

Throw in some great scenery (there is a castle, after all), a quaint village, and a “very good dug” [okay, you prolly need to be a regular reader to get that one, but I did talk about that within the last couple of months, so… ;)], and it all works out to be a sort of delightfully-nice holiday bit. It doesn’t take anything out of you, or ask you to think much--and of course, it's utterly predictable--but it's a pleasant guilty pleasure. Basically like a yummy cookie [biscuit, if you’re on the other side of The Pond] that your grandma might make. Nothing wrong with a bit of that around the holidays, is there?

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Elves

If someone puts an anti-Xmas show in front of me? I can guarantee you I’m in. (Like, soooo in.) Why? Because, while I do enjoy the occasional happy, feel-good holiday piece [see above], the out-there, unexpected ones are far more suited to my soul, as a general rule. And this week, Elves fell into that category.

So, Elves. For starters, the name, right? [Again, if you’ve been following this blog, at all, you know I like me some fantasy stuff interspersed with, well, whatever else I’m reading/watching.] And honestly, a Danish take on elves had me hooked from the get-go.

Most of the elvish/fae lore I’m familiar with comes from Great Britain (or has strong ties to it)… but I’m struggling to remember another I know from the Norse regions. [Yes, someone will no doubt correct me on that, but anyway… suffice it to say that, for me, it’s a delightful anomaly.]

Elves has a pretty simple premise: a couple (mom, Charlotte and dad, Mads) from Copenhagen, have decided to hie off with their kids (teenage son, Kasper, and pre-teen daughter, Josephine) to a (very) remote island for Christmas… for reasons I’m not entirely clear on [aside from that being the exact sort of weird, arbitrary decision that parents seem to always be making].

After reaching the island, Mads blithely ignores the ferryman’s stern instructions to “stick to the coastal road!” en route to the cabin they’ve rented, and instead takes off careening down a one-lane road through the forests and fields (“to save time” [insert eyeroll]). None of this is impressing his kids… especially not when he runs into, or over… something.

The family get out of their vehicle to look at the damage—a large ding on the front bumper, and… well, some peculiar black ookiness sort of dripping from it. After a local pulls up behind—and brusquely orders them to get off his farm (and to stick to the coastal road!)—all of them get back in the car… but Josephine does so unwillingly. (She’s positive they hit something—something other than a pothole—and thinks they should see if they can locate and help whatever they hit. Her family? Well, they think otherwise… as does the local, who tells her in no uncertain terms to “get away from the fence!” she’s nearing, when she goes off into the field in pursuit of the mysterious black oozy stuff that seems to have been tracked away from their vehicle.)

And right there, we kinda know at least part of what’s gonna happen later… don’t we?

Once they finally reach the cabin, things don’t exactly improve. It is, to put it nicely, not quite what the photos in the online ads portrayed (idyllic, pretty, clean, etc.). Still, it’s the holiday they—at least, Charlotte and Mads—have committed to, and so it will be.

In truth, though, nothing is as it appeared it would be. The cell service is negligible, the “town” seems to consist of one very small general store—run by the forbiddingly-grim proprietress, Karen (well-played by Ann Eleonora Jørgensen) and her teenaged granddaughter Liv (Vivelill Søgaard Holm )—and pretty much nothing else, and the nearby attractions touted in the ad? Those seem to consist of the cabin, itself, and a run-down barn on the same lot, and… yeah, okay, the aforementioned little general store. (What typical young people—like Liv, who apparently lives on the island year-round—are supposed to do to amuse themselves, is unclear.)

But Josephine, well… she isn’t about to let bothersome parents or an annoying older brother interfere with her plans. She sneaks out, going back through the forest to the area where her dad ran into… whatever… in search of the creature she’s positive they hit. [The fact that, hours later, an animal that had been hit would most likely either be dead or potentially dangerous in its pain and fear? Doesn’t occur to her.]

And find something, she does, OF COURSE… then proceeds to wrap it up and take it back to her chosen hidey-hole (where presumably, she can keep it a secret, since the rest of her family have shown zero interest in the dank, decrepit old barn). 

Do I need to tell you that things don’t go according to plan (not even a somewhat-harebrained, adolescent one)? And that in short order, all hell will break loose on this heretofore seemingly-idyllic (or painfully-dull, your choice) island? [Just so we’re clear, those are rhetorical questions; every single one of us has seen this type of scenario play out before.]

There’s some nice suspense, with a sort of brooding buildup in the tension along the way, and a satisfying resolution in the end. (Plus, a neat little twist at the very end that I rather enjoyed.) 

One thing I really appreciate about Elves is that it’s so… well, not American. This isn’t something we’d be apt to make, here… in part, because we don’t have the same ties to the land that many Europeans do. Nor does it have some neatly-tied-in-a-bow resolution where everyone’s problems are resolved (a la the vast majority of holiday programs made stateside). Elves feels different, because it is different, and I highly recommend it to anyone who appreciates an old-world, we-still-believe-in-ancient-lore-and-magic feel—and some not-so-cheery vibes—with their holiday-viewing fare.

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The holidays. They’re whatever you wanna make ‘em. 

~GlamKitty